About Changes

“Everything is changing. Nothing lasts forever.”

“Do you still remember Monica from Poland?”

“Which Monica?”

“The charming innocent little naive Monica Gao I met.”

“You almost make me cry!”

The Art of Embracing Change

It's not my work, I just like this article a lot.






The Art of Embracing Change 

by Nadia Ballas-Ruta

http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/embracing-change/

“It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.”
~ Charles Darwin

Change is a beautiful thing. Despite its innate beauty, it is one aspect of life that many people resist. Why is it that some people can easily embrace change while others will do everything in their power to prevent it? It all boils down to a matter of perception.

To be candid, I never really had any problems with change. On the contrary, I welcome change with open arms. To be fair, the reason for this is because I had a very tough childhood.

Going to school each day was like going to war. The only thing that kept me going during my tough times was hope and the knowledge that this torment would have to stop at some point.

Change, you see, was a savoir in my mind. As a result, I view change as a joyous thing. To not change and remain in stagnation is equivalent to death. Nothing can be accomplished by not moving forward.

Look at the human body. If you do not use your muscles, they decay. The human spirit is the same. If you do not grow and adapt, you will remain stuck and nothing of value can be accomplished when you are stuck.

So how does one learn to embrace change? You develop another way of viewing situations in your life. Each event that happens to you has the ability to move you forward or backward. The way you choose to view a situation determines your experience.

For example, some years ago, my mother passed away from terminal cancer. My husband and I moved into my parent’s house so I could take care of my mother. I was her caregiver for the last six months of her life. I was also present when she passed on. Watching someone that you love die is one of the most powerful experiences in life.

When the last breath is finally had, there is a mixed feeling of joy and pain. Joy that their suffering is over and yet immense pain that they are no more physically here.

I was very close to my mother and losing her was one of the most difficult experiences in my life. Not a day goes by when I don’t remember her. Not having a mother can be tough. Talk about change…one morning, I went from having two parents to only one. Not easy. Yet those six months and being present at her passing were two of the greatest gifts she gave me. Why?

Well, it was a great reminder that life, here on Earth is short. It also was a vivid reminder that when we pass on, we leave behind all the material possessions, our loved ones, money and so on. The only things we take with us are how we lived and what we learned.

To pass away knowing that one has lived well is a great achievement. I learned that at a young age and it is something that I am happy about. Yes, I wished I did not have to lose my mother to learn that lesson but so be it. That is how it happened.

I realize that death is an extreme example (yet an experience we all will encounter) to show you how to embrace change. So here are some lessons that I have learned on my journey so far:

1. Nothing Lasts Forever

In Eastern thought, one of the main teachings is that everything in life is impermanent. The good and the not so good do not last. Everything exists for a finite time. That is a fact of life. To resist that fact does no good because it does not change the reality.

When we accept the fact that nothing lasts forever, we are better equipped for the journey. Struggle occurs when we resist reality. So the best way to end the struggle is to embrace the impermanence in life. Enjoy the good times while you can and remember that the not so good times are just temporary. The light will appear at the end of the tunnel…it is bound to happen, you just need patience.

2. Wisdom Is Earned

There is no amount of money in the world that would convince me to go back in time. I am happy to be where I am and to have the knowledge that I have. I earned where I am and that wisdom was achieved through change and experience.

Nothing of value was ever achieved by remaining stagnant. It is impossible. We learn and grow due to change. When we are faced with a situation that forces a change of some kind, our awareness is inevitably expanded. Whether we follow through on it or not, depends on the person. Many people lament about change and doing that just keeps you stuck.

Wisdom is earned by learning to see the alternate possibilities of what surrounds you. When we view life through a narrow lens, our experience is narrow. But when you see the whole panorama, then wow…life is beautiful.

3. Learn To Let Go

Some people are meant to be in our lives for decades and others are meant to only stay for a while. This is one of the most challenging realities of life. Not everyone is willing to be with you as you proceed on your journey.

Some people may only like you when you have a certain title or look a certain way. That is okay. Let them be who they are but keep on being true to yourself.

If you lose some people as you proceed on with your life, wish them well and let them go with love.

When I decided to leave law, some of my family members stopped talking to me. It was tough. I was essentially disowned by some relatives. It was very painful but I realized that what they did said a lot about who they were. I have no respect for someone who is hung up on titles or appearance.

I value substance and I realized that this was a price I had to pay. I accepted it and moved forward. The interesting thing is that life sent me some amazing new friends who ended up being my family. So it worked out.

(Side note: those same relatives who disowned me have recently re-established communication with me. So see…things work out.)

4. Change Always Leads To Good

Here is the reality about change: even though it may occur due to a negative event it inevitably leads to something good.

Now this is a hard concept to absorb at first. I know that when I first learned it during my time at a monastic, I thought my teacher was crazy. But as I looked back at my life, I saw a common trend. When something “bad” happened, it always culminated in some type of realization or thought that took me to a better place.

Things happen to us for reasons. It is not our place to know exactly why they happened. Yes, we can own up to our mistakes but the ultimate existential reason as to why they happened is not fully revealed to us at all times.

Take for example, my bad childhood. Those were tough days but they made me who I am now and I love being me. Those painful experiences taught me compassion and tolerance. I think I am a better writer because of it.

In Conclusion….

The ability to go from resisting change to embracing change can happen. It may not happen overnight but that is okay. The next time you are faced with an experience which causes your reality to change, take a deep breath and take a step back.

Try to see the situation from outside the box. It is okay to be mad or frustrated. You are human after all. But once the emotions have calmed down, just remember that we are all works in progress. Rome was not built in a day…neither were you.

Living Abroad

“People always have strong emotional connections with the first foreign country they have been to”, that’s what my friend told me before I went abroad for the first time. I didn’t fully understand these words until I came back to China from 6-month internship abroad. I spent amazing wonderful time in Poland during those 6 months even though I felt frustrated with work sometimes. After came to US, my view of that statement slightly changed to “People always have strong emotional connections with countries where they have great memories with friends.”

Living in an environment which is totally different from your home country will enable you to think and observe things in a way you couldn’t manage while in home country. Not until I went to Poland and had the opportunities to communicate with lots of international friends, I found out that there’re so many stereotypes and overgeneration about Chinese culture. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when I was asked “Is it safe to live in China?”, “Are your Chinese eating everything?!”.

It’s fun of talking about culture differences with internationals. Personally I’m willing to introduce Chinese culture to either friends or random people i meet, at the same time I try to be open to different point of views and avoid judging. I guess that’s why I can made friends with many internationals.I used to think I was very open-minded. However, once one of my friends here in US asked me, “Monica, are you a conservative person?” “Of course not!” I replied. Then he asked. “Which standard? You mean compare to Chinese or American?” So I realized that I’m liberal (or maybe crazy) compare to majority Chinese but just average liberal according to my American friends’ standard. Yeah, one thing I like living abroad is that you can gradually explore more to recognize yourself.

In the opposite, one thing I don’t like living abroad is the “Reverse Culture Shock”, which is the difficult and surprising from an affected person when he/she deal with home culture after return from long-term experience living abroad. I had a conversation of this topic before with my friend Nick from Australia. He had been living in Japan for one year before he came to my city in China for internship. Both of us experienced the uncomfortableness and anxiety result from reverse culture shock. After came back from Poland, I badly missed the three-time-cheek-kissing between friends, I badly missed the time I can do crazy things without being judged by other people, I badly wanted to go back to Poland to hang out with old friends.

To some extent, these kind of feeling motivate me to apply for graduate school abroad, and I’m so happy I made it. Now it is summer time, some of my internationals friends already left, some of them are going to graduate soon. It's a season of saying goodbye, full of sadness. No matter where will we be, i guess we will still miss each other as if we are always together.

Is being too independent a good thing?

the original was posted on ifgogo.com by Monica Gao
http://www.ifgogo.com/324/is-being-too-independent-a-good-thing/

Is being too independent a good thing?

I learnt the trait of independence from my mum, who gave me lessons in person on how to be steely and independent when I was a child girl. Even though we had a lot of quarrels in my adolescence and I was strongly against her dominating parenthood, I eventually turned out to be an independent person – exactly like her, as my dad described.

My mum is a capable woman who can always effectively arrange everything in order. She’s recognized as successful by her co-workers, but pitiful woman in marriage from my stand. I swore that I would never be in the same tragedy like her when she crying heavily on my shoulder and complaining my dad’s coldness. I don’t wanna judging her too much, but the masses of my parents’ problems originated from her hard characters in large extent.

So I always have doubts on IS BEING TOO INDEPENDENT A GOOD THING?

Independence is defined by me as being independent characteristically, economically and emotionally. Characteristically, I always do things on my own (not in study or jobs) if I assure that I’m able to handle them well. In fact, I’m not too shy to ask for help but for the reason of avoiding to be other’s burden. Economically, I get used to make clear with friends in moneys, even with intimate friends. Emotionally, I tried to not get involved in any relationships too much if there seems no future.

Ironically, sometimes It’s hard, and also sad for me to work towards these rules. As I was told by my ex that he felt like I didn’t need him by my side because of my strong independence, I felt like something was breaking deep inside of my heart. I didn’t expect that intention of avoiding of being someone’s burden would result in the sense of distance.

remark: The vote regarding "Am i an independent person?"

Obviously, from the above vote on my xiaonei.com page (it’s like “Chinese facebook”), entitled “Am I an independent person?”, majority of my friends (89%) responded YES while the rest 11% considered NO.

“You can’t bear loneliness, can you?”, one of my intimate friends said, ”That’s why I thought you’re not independent enough, especially in the subject of emotions.”

“It’s nature that showing steely side to strangers but weak side to close friends. Take it easy.”

……

Yes, In most cases, I’m indeed an independent person. However, is it a good thing or bad? I’m still not quite sure about it. Or maybe it depends on persons you’ve met – if he/she would appreciate your independence.

Ben同学的回信

我发现我真的很挫，发Email给Ben找他帮我改推荐信

结果把名字打成了Ban。

我在想他看到Email的那刻肯定很抓狂。。。。

Monica

Your English was good before, but this personal statement really impressed me.? I have done a lot of editing, but don't be discouraged by the number of marks.? I edit many, many statements and papers for friends and other students, and have gotten very thorough.? Yours, frankly, is? structured better and has better support than some of my friends who are native speakers.?

A few words of advice:?

1) Structure: Often, personal statements aren't meant to be QUITE as structured as your is.?? It's not bad that you have structured it well, but perhaps you should take out the large headings.? These are often meant to be a bit personal and don't need to be quite as rigid, you know?? Your choice.

2)? You repeat yourself often, and you shouldn't.? The review board knows you're interested in economics, or else you wouldn't be applying.? You give good examples to support your interest; let that be enough.? Tell them you're interested just once, them explain WHY and emphasize that.? You've done a good job of that with your examples of studies you've conducted.? Talk a bit about why those were important to you as a researcher.

Otherwise, it's really very good, and it makes you sound both experienced and intelligent, which is exactly what you need.? Good job!? I didn't know you were studying international economics; that's my focus in my econ degree as well!? I haven't done nearly the research and stuff that you have though--it's fantastic that you've been able to do all that.? I've been so focused on my english thesis...heh.? I'll be applying for a Ph.D. in English at the Ivy leaguers next year (I'm taking a year off).? Here's hoping we can both get in!

I'm actually thinking of coming back to China this summer after I graduate--I'm looking for a job/internship in journalism or business/economics.? The whole world is suffering economically though, and it's awfully tough to get a job. Did a bunch of interviews here only to have them tell me "Sorry, you're great, we just can't hire you this year.? Any other year..."? It's sad.?

I hope you're doing well.? I'd love to hear how your life has been recently.

Good luck with this application.? I think you have a good chance!

-Ben
--
LSA Honors 2009
Economics and English Honors

one year since china (by abraheme)

从abraheme的facebook上转过来的



2 months of Solitude,10 months of Nostalgia(One year since China)

Today at 1:37am

One year ago, June 10 2007 at 3 a.m., I received a call. In themiddle of the night I wondered, "Who the hell could that be?" Iremember not sleeping well that night, it was my first flight overseasand I haven't been to Florida or Rhode Island yet, and here I am flyingto China. My father got up and stomped to the telephone. His gallopingapproached my direction. He handed me the phone with his eyes closed.
"It's China." he says mumbling in Arabic.
"What!!??" I said with one eye open. I grabbed the phone next to my sweaty ear
"Hello? Is this Ring?"
"No, it's Kari, hi, when are you getting here? It's so rural here"
"Kari?? Oh..hi hi! Rural? …What do you mean?
"Make sure you get some mosquito sprays, I've been bitten a lot already"
"Oh, ok,,,what do you mean by rural? Isn't Wuhan a city not countryside? I chuckled nervously.
"Yea, it is a city. Did you get Anthony's number?
"Yeah, I got it from Ring, my flight leaves at 6:30 today, and I'msupposed to be in Shanghai by 1. And I might be in Wuhan by 4 to 6."
"Ok, well, we're waiting for you here, have a safe trip, see you then"
A heart-warming voice with a cold and sharp tone. "She was something" Isaid to myself. Her voice chilled me enough to make me oblivious to mysweat for a while.

Fast forward to the flight.

One year ago, I discovered you all in the Wonderful World ofWuchang, Wuhan. My first time overseas and getting on a plane full ofWong's, Liu's and Xiang's was the biggest chocolate factory Willy Wonkacould give me. There was a five hour delay for my 6:30 departure, andthe pilot decided to keep his mouthful of noodles and told us about thedelay at around 10 o'clock,
"There seems to be traffic on the runway, we will be moving shortly,looks like we got a bad fortune cookie!" He never said the fortunecookie joke, but I laughed and imagined it going well at that moment.The guy on my right, let's call him Han for convenience sake, slept assoon as he laid his ass on the seat at 6. He woke up; stretched andprobably said to himself, "I'm one third of the way to Zhong Guo." Thenhe noticed the same smoggy JFK sky outside the window. This thenentitled him to give me this look--beyond translation. One of thegorgeous flight attendants with her red and white served by and thattook my mind off of everything. Seventeen hours with these people willbe, in the words of Ben, "AMAZING." And soon, the elderly white coupleon my left broke their croissants and my nose hairs were filled withbuttery bliss. The old woman looked like a cross between Maria Espositoand Julia Childs, she probably baked them herself I thought.

I have pages and pages more of this, but I'll just stick to thepoint. If you want the full story, I'll email it to ya, or put it up onfacebook.
Anthony, you were the biggest relief my ass could have after being on 3Chinese flights for 22 hours. After talking with you on the phone atShanghai then contacting you at Wuhan to pick me up, your damn goodEnglish was a God-send. I will always remember standing near theentrance in the polluted Wuhan acid rain waiting for an "Anthony."After our ride through the slums between Wuhan airport and Hankou, Iwas shitting on myself, "Did Kari mean what she really meant?"
And so, on my first car ride through ZhongShan Road, and never havingseen so much pollution in my life, I was hungry and damn ecstatic to beled through Wuhan by an Anthony in a tanktop.

Nina! You were the first American face I saw in Wuchang, at LuXiangPlaza. And trust me, I wanted to hug you so hard and say "I'm alive!...Now feed me!" But our handshake was ok. Later on, I remember meetingother people from AIESEC, but I'm don't remember who.

And in another taxi we went, and short ride from LuXiang Plaza, waswhat Robert Pauley would say, HOONNNGGG FU JIA YUAN!! And getting onthat elevator one floor up to the second floor to our apartment, I wasgreeted by the most scrumptious and shimmering faces and smiles I'veseen for the past 2 days, Kari and Olga. But to my surprise, they weredrinking hot ass tea in that hot ass day, or I think Kari was drinkingcoffee, "What's the matter with these women? Am I gonna live with themfor 2 months?"

And so, after not sleeping and starving for 22 hours, Nina, Olga andKari took me out through a deserted HuaZhong KeJi Daxue the same nightI got to the apartment. The sights, the smells, the sorrow, and allthat good stuff invaded my senses and I was half conscious to talkabout myself whenever they asked me about anything.


And so I slept safely that night, but I got sick. Why? Because myroommate, decided to blast the A.C. on my face. And so, in my firstChinese morning, the first sight I saw was my white-ass roommate Ethan,across the room, in his blue boxers. And Z.O.Z. came to the rescue andgave me the funkiest Chinese medicine and food I've ever had.

I just want to say, those two months were as cheesy as it sounds, adream come true. Everybody in our apartment was perfectly handpicked byGod himself. The laughs, the worries, the starvation, the sweat, thedancing (crazy times at Queens), the singing( 36 hour marathon with NewOriental), the climbing(LuShan with Matt and Angie), the running, theskipping, the biking(Anthony, Rachel, Ben, Tim), and all thatpsychedelic Chinese goodness(Kari and Ben in GuiLin and Yingshuo) thatonly our crew(especially my apartment) had together, ( until added onby everybody else who came a week later, Rachel, both Roberts, Tim,Kelsey, Erin, Angie, Matt, Charlie, Jaclyn) Everything was priceless, Iwould say, the only, ONLY, "bad thing" about it all was me starving andyou all eating my food, especially Ben!

And AIESEC Wuhan, you guys took care of us despite having a mean andtender loving caring mother like Olga to handle things for us interns.Anthony, Z.O.Z., Ring, Sunny, Maggie, thank you all! I know it was abit hectic, but since it was your first exchange program, you took itpretty well.
And Doria, those 3 days that you stayed over were one of my last goodmemories of Wuhan, I'm glad we had them together when we snuck in theneighboring apartment buildings to get on their rooftops.
I know I wont have the same experience with you guys, but I hope to seeyou guys again in July and sometime soon afterwards. And if God wills,to see you all in China again.

I love you all!

the girl

I was totally in surprise when she told me, she already made her mind to love the guy. She is a charming girl who can always  get whatever she wants, especially in relationships. Yet he is only an ordinary nice boy. When she told me she had good feeling on him at the beginning, I didn’texpect she would love him, so much.

Definitely, they couldn’t have future together. Their graduation is approaching and one will go abroad, the other will stay in Wuhan. I didn’t say any words to her, cuz I knew she knows the situation much clearer and must have struggled a lot before told me all of these. I just hope she will always be happy. Since she ended last relationship, I never saw her treat a guy so seriously. Now she looks like rather an innocent girl than the experienced cutie. Even though I laugh at her childish behaviors in loves, like writing dailies to record all the details btw them, I have to admit I was deeply moved the moment when I was told that it’s to leave memory for him-as she said it’s the only thing she could do for him.

Now she becomes more independent compare to 8 months ago. There certainly have happened a lot of things when I was not at her side, including sth I know and sth I do not know. Anyway,she paid for her pervious mistakes and is growing up now- at least no longer the child girl in my mind.

 

note of memory for my 21th

Eventhough I didn’t say that it was my birthday, I still received a myriadof sweet wishes from friends and parents who always be there for me andtouching my heart. B-day to me is not a big deal, it’s just ordinaryday full of routine contexts. Things fade away their colors along the ticking of clock. And I’m no longer the child girl who is keen on celebration of b-day.

I did nothing specially except went to watch the movie “10000 BC”withCici. The movie is shit, at least failed to compare with “the day aftertomorrow” which is directed by Roland as well. From my understanding,it is a comedy rather than so-called adventure movie. Anyway, it’sstill and good choice of killing time.

It’s totally out of my expectation that LYSprepared a b-day cake for me with the figure of “wish Monica lots ofmoney and lots of love”- if I didn’t translate it wrongly= =

=======================

Couples of days ago,Mariusz asked me about the Tibet issue when we met on msn. He told me, “im not against Chinaim against any kind of violence in the world and i know how communisticcountries deal with ppl who dont want to follow their ideas. Monica tobe honest im not following the news that much. im against war in tibet things going on in North Korea and i dont believe that any of those nations deserved what they get. this also apply to Chinese ppl”

Didn’t I do understand the significance of culture presentation until I arrived Polandand closely watched how Vini showed Brazilian stuffs to all of thepolish with vivid explanation.Besides, when I joined @ conference in Poland,I was asked a lot of questions about china which sounds ridiculous tome. It’s apparently that there exists lots of misunderstanding towards China. That’s why I strongly feel the necessity of culture presentation of @ers.

It’shorrible or even f*king stupid that for someone assertively judges thecountry he never been to or rarely know- just simply believes in fakenews!!!

At last, wish the torch relay of 2008 Olympic success.