January 14, 2009

申请过程中的感悟(二)- Reverse Culture Shock


Reverse Culture Shock这个话题其实我一直有点避讳。因为这个话题太敏感了,如果表述得不够清楚和客观,很容易就背上“崇洋媚外”的骂名。但是上次@culture preparation的时候,nick提出来了,后来又跟他小讨论了一下,觉得还是很有必要讲一下的。特别是对于即将要出国或回国的同学们。

我首先要说明一下,这篇文章我不是在抱怨什么,而是在用真实详尽的例子告诉你们我的切身体会!还有怎么去克服这些问题!想骂我的到心里暗骂就好了,不要到我帖子下面留言进行人身攻击!当然~客观的讨论还是很欢迎的。

Wikipedia上对于reverse culture shock的定义是:

Returning to one's home culture after growing accustomed to a new one can produce the same effects (of culture shock) as described above, which an affected person often finds more surprising and difficult to deal with as the original culture shock.

我觉得,在国外长期生活过的人应该对这个有很深的感触的。我第一次接触这个概念,还是在Mitbbs上的一篇女海龟的帖子。帖子主要内容就是讲女主人公在美国完成学业并工作两年后归国,遭遇到了工作方式,处事原则,感情生活等各方面的巨大的不适应。那篇帖子里用的还不是reverse culture shock这个名词,而是ADVERSE culture shock。可见,她对于归国后的现实状况是多么地不满意。。。

当时我还在波兰实习。在我回国前的某天,Betty跟我说,她刚从土耳其实习回来的时候,特别不适应,花了好一阵子才调整过来。当时我就挺担心的,Betty还只是出国2个月,我在波兰都住了快半年,那这种reverse culture shock效应岂不是要更严重?!幸运的是,我已经提前作好了心理准备,打算沉着面对并努力克服这种不适应性;不幸的是,我还是不可避免地遭遇到了reverse culture shock。。。

首先,我太习惯每天飚英文了,习惯到回国后说中文的时候总免不了夹带英文。。囧 这一点遭到了cici,贾大妈等人的强烈BS!其实我真的不是故意的,有些概念第一次接触到的时候是通过英文,结果养成了英语的思维习惯,直接造成后来每次提及的时候就直接说英文。而且英文在时态和指代的表达上较中文更为简洁,我有时候就不经大脑地把英文飚出来了。。


其次,是生活环境。虽然波兰不是一个特别发达的国家,但是波兰真的比武汉干净和安静太多了。习惯了在波兰每天准点准分到达的公车(因为公车站都有时间表,标明了哪列车几点几分到站,误差一般不超过2分钟),回到武汉要漫无边际地绝望等公车让我特别烦躁。波兰很干净,路上垃圾很少(当然不排除有喝高了的人乱扔酒瓶的情况。。),公共场所也很少有人大声喧哗(不排除人口少的因素。。),武汉,恩,不说大家也都知道。另外,在波兰的时候,宿舍不熄灯不断网还有厨房,party又多,大家玩起来都超开心的。回到武汉的很长一段时间里,我的生活日程里几乎都没有出现过party这个词,喝酒和去club的次数也少得可怜。连国外的朋友都在facebook上面问我:monica, why are you living so queit in China? 囧

接着,是沟通方式。刚回来的时候,有些人觉得我说话有点冲。其实,我只是说话比较直接而已。实习的时候,Aneta(上司)问过我,为什么你不直接告诉我你心理是怎么想的,你准备怎么去做?有些问题你应该当面跟我说清楚的。我工作中出现问题的时候,Aneta也是直言不讳地指出来。我曾经在办公室被她劈头盖脸地大骂,甚至被她骂到躲进厕所里哭——尽管我私下的关系跟她是非常非常好的。这个是工作,另外在国外跟朋友的相处也是一样的,大家习惯比较直接的表达:比如,有人邀请你去party或者有事情找你帮忙,如果你不想去或者不想帮忙,可以直接说出来,没必要找什么借口去搪塞别人,也不用担心别人会因为你的拒绝而拉长了脸。。。好吧,我承认,回来以后我开始极度不适应拐弯抹角、含蓄内敛的沟通了。。。

再次,是助人方面。我们中国人普遍来说在人际交往方面还是很审慎的,对于陌生人,只有少数人会主动伸出援手。我也不知道是不是我的观点太片面,但是我在波兰的半年里,遇到了太多热心帮助我的陌生人。其实我在波兰遇到了很多乱七八糟令人啼笑皆非的事情,所以我特别感激那个在我第一天正式上班但坐错公车的时候免费开车载我到公司门口的大胡子波兰大叔;特别感激那个在我找错火车站的时候带着孩子还开车把我送到很远的另一个火车站的年轻爸爸;特别感激那个在我熬夜等车的时候送我免费咖啡的加拿大大叔;特别感激那个看我行李太重提不上公车而跑过来帮我提行李的公车司机…… 回国的那个寒假,我一个人背着背包拖着箱子提着行李踩着泥泞不堪的积雪经过武昌火车站(那时候还在兴建)的时候却没有一个人来帮我,无比绝望。。。

最后,是对女生的关怀方面。国外男生也分对女生特别gental和一般gental的,但是基本上都要比国内男生做得好。这样说吧,只要出去吃饭,不管是两个人还是一堆人,男生都会抢在前面帮女生开门让女生先进去,我从来都没自己开过门;看到女生拎着重的东西,男生都会主动帮忙提的。我明白这个情况是基于中国和外国的文化差异和文化背景,所以我也无所谓,只不过在国内有人主动帮我的时候会特别感动。。。


然后说说nick对于reverse culture shock的感受。nick之前在日本做过一年的长期实习,他说刚从日本回澳大利亚的时候,非常不适应——特别是在跟朋友的相处方面。他认识到自己和老朋友之间的分歧多了,他的解释是,i changed, but they are still the same. 这点我也满认同的,毕竟一年的时间在一个完全不同的文化氛围中生活,对个人价值观的影响还是很显著的。我以前看到论坛上有人说,很多留学生出国以后就信教了,开始还满不以为然,后来我渐渐理解了,其实每个人在孤独和无助的时候都需要一点点信仰力量的支撑。。。

上次去CS版聚的时候,遇到了一对海龟夫妇。女生当时感慨了一下现在的国内物价还有RMB的购买力,说100美元能买的东西太多了,可回国后100RMB没买几样东西就用完了。我想,无论是显性还是隐性的,这种回国后的不适应都是普遍的吧!



说到怎么去克服reverse culture shock,我的答案只有两点:时间和摆正心态。

当我发现reverse culture shock给我带来的骄躁情绪严重地影响了我的日常生活后,我开始给自己做积极的心理暗示。我不断地告诉自己其实这些东西都是很无所谓的,努力寻找自己生活中的亮点,同时告诉自己要坦然客观地面对种种文化差异。

话说回来,其实每种文化都有自己的闪光点,关键看你如何去冷静看待它。如果只是一味地放大自己本国的文化亮点,难免有点一叶障目的感觉;如果一味放大外国的文化亮点,那恐怕就要成为真正的崇洋媚外了。吸取不同文化的精髓,树立适合自己的人生规划,才是正确的选择。


下面这个是在网上google出来的,需要的可以免费拿去
我不收中介费。。。
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Tips for dealing with reverse culture shock

o Re-establish relationships
People you were close to when you left, even those you remained in close contact with, will be separated from you by the unique experiences you have had in each other's absence. However, this separation is certainly not permanent, and new experiences can make for some very interesting conversation. Just keep in mind that since both of you have changed, you won't necessarily interact in the same way.

o Share your experience
Since only you have had your experience, there is no possible way that anyone can fully understand what you have gone through. While people will be interested in what you did abroad, nobody will be quite as interested as you - despite your amazing storytelling skills.

o Readjust
Fitting your new life into your old one can be frustrating. Since every country has a unique approach to life, it can be difficult if you're used to operating within your host country's cultural mode, or have made that approach to life a part of you, to return to your home country where the rules are different. It's easy to become frustrated with aspects of your homeland culture that no longer make sense to you. Try to keep things in perspective. Bear in mind that every country has its flaws and its strengths.

o Guard against the"grass is greener" syndrome
Returning home is wonderful in so many ways. You can talk to family and friends without a phenomenal fee, you can eat at your favourite restaurant, sleep in your own bed, and whatever else you were looking forward to doing. However, there is always the danger of falling victim to the "grass is greener" syndrome. Just as it is possible to dramatize the glory of your return home, it is also possible once you've returned home to over-romanticize your experience abroad. Life is never cookie-cutter perfect. Home is not the impenetrable haven you might remember at times, and life would still not be flawless, even if you are back in the host country you left behind.

o A few more things that might help
Talk to others who have studied abroad, keep in touch with those you met abroad, use the emotional momentum to continue cultural interactions (check out on-campus groups like Friends of International Students and Scholars), and be patient with yourself and others. Savour the rare privilege of having two "homes"!





2 comments:

  1. 也许,我呆得时间不够长……\r或者我强大的适应能力。。。

    ReplyDelete
  2. 大家的变化是如此的大~

    ReplyDelete